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New MeditatingThis has been a rough year! I had major surgery in May, my sister moved in with me in June, and recently my dad got really sick and ended up in the E.R. with what we were told was a stroke. Turns out it wasn’t a stroke but some bizarre infection.
As the oldest daughter (middle child), I have always been the ‘Fixer.’ Some might even refer to me as a co-dependent. Regardless of the label, somewhere along the line I lost ME. My hopes and dreams seem to mean very little to me lately. Not that I don’t still want them! It’s just that they seem so far away; almost unreachable.
I love my family but I have to come to the realization that I can’t be their savior. I can’t ref every argument, protect everyone’s feelings, and keep the people I love from being hurt. I can however have a say in guarding my own heart. It’s not selfish to think of me. If anything, it’s crucial to the survival of a fading reflection I see every time I look in the mirror.
So, how do I rekindle the fire within me and start chasing after my dreams again? I truly believe that I have to trust in one greater than all of us…yes God…and put those I love in His hands through prayer. I thank God that my dad is healed and I will always be there to help my parents. Still, I am in His hands as well and if I can’t even save myself, what makes me think that I can save anyone else! Time to dust off my dreams and make them come true. Time to find ME again:)

Yoli Fae

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